last post i thought i was really funny, but i don't think any of you laughed. at least none of you told me how funny i was.
but i'm in st. george now. i've been here for four days and if i'm being completely honest with everyone... i'm scared out of my wits. this is the first real "independent" step that I feel i am taking. i've never had to pay for things like air conditioning and bath water. i never had to run to the grocery store to get q-tips or safety pins. my job was for fun and to save up for things that i wanted to buy to entertain myself. now i don't even have a job and i desperately need one to pay for actual necessities like groceries and deodorant. i have to work to put gas in my car, i have to work to get an A on my report card (do they even call them report cards?) i have to work to keep my ice cream cold. how am i even equipped to handle all of this? i'm not old enough to do this. i'm not mature enough for all of this. i am completely and utterly terrified of being here right now.
and yet, here i am. my skirts are hanging up in my new closet and my t-shirts are nicely tucked away in my new dresser. (did i mention that i've never actually had a dresser before!? they're so neat!) i've got my picture of Christ set where i can see it and i've got my blanket that my grandma hilma made me and i've got my stuffed puppy, sunshine, that i stole from my big brother when we were little. my little space has all the potential to make a great home for me. i have the opportunity to be very, very happy here.
so tomorrow i'll put on my (figurative) big girl panties and i'll start taking steps out into the adult world. and i know that i'm going to end up fine because i've got a very powerful friend on my side.
but right now i'm just a frightened little girl, who wishes she'd never left home.
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