I feel like I need to write something... anything. but words won't come. at least not ones that mesh the way I'd like them to. I have to pick words that fit exactly right with the feelings or moments that I'm trying to describe, but I don't know if there are words that will help anyone who is reading this understand exactly how I feel. I don't want you to think you understand and I don't want you to be close to understanding. I want my feelings to be copied right from my heart and pasted in this blog post so that you can know perfectly what I feel.
Because I am so happy. and it's not the kind of happiness that just comes out of nowhere and blindsides you. it's a purposeful happiness, it has a reason, it has a name. it gives me direction and shows me who I should be. so I dress myself with a smile each morning and I sometimes keep it on all through the night. my thoughts are positive, excited, shining. my heart is filled like a big helium balloon to the point where if you put anything else in, it will probably pop. it's so completely and so impressively full that you might imagine it would be stiff, and uncomfortable in it's weight. but that's not the case. it is full and at the same time it is sunny, light, and carefree. it feels like soda - fizzy and always sparkling. I don't know how else to describe it.
blissful, delighted, content, elated. I need better words. someone give me better words! this feeling is... extraordinary. especially since lately I've been experiencing such deep sadness. it's a little bit stupefying to go from such a low point in my life to such a high point... and so quickly, too.
I guess, sometimes in life, we don't have words to describe the way we feel and it's okay because it makes the experience that much sweeter. we can't remember how it feels simply by reading or hearing about it, we have to be with the moment - tasting and digesting it as it comes. in the future, when we're finally living in a perfect world, maybe we'll be able to reach out and touch someone and they will be able to feel exactly what we are feeling, and they will be able to understand with a perfect knowledge the happiness or the sorrow or the apathy that we're experiencing. maybe some day it will be that simple. until that day, I'll do my best to find words that slide together in perfect harmony. some day I'll learn all the right words to say, and I'll create symphonies with the things I type.
until then, just know...
I'm so happy (:
Because I am so happy. and it's not the kind of happiness that just comes out of nowhere and blindsides you. it's a purposeful happiness, it has a reason, it has a name. it gives me direction and shows me who I should be. so I dress myself with a smile each morning and I sometimes keep it on all through the night. my thoughts are positive, excited, shining. my heart is filled like a big helium balloon to the point where if you put anything else in, it will probably pop. it's so completely and so impressively full that you might imagine it would be stiff, and uncomfortable in it's weight. but that's not the case. it is full and at the same time it is sunny, light, and carefree. it feels like soda - fizzy and always sparkling. I don't know how else to describe it.
blissful, delighted, content, elated. I need better words. someone give me better words! this feeling is... extraordinary. especially since lately I've been experiencing such deep sadness. it's a little bit stupefying to go from such a low point in my life to such a high point... and so quickly, too.
I guess, sometimes in life, we don't have words to describe the way we feel and it's okay because it makes the experience that much sweeter. we can't remember how it feels simply by reading or hearing about it, we have to be with the moment - tasting and digesting it as it comes. in the future, when we're finally living in a perfect world, maybe we'll be able to reach out and touch someone and they will be able to feel exactly what we are feeling, and they will be able to understand with a perfect knowledge the happiness or the sorrow or the apathy that we're experiencing. maybe some day it will be that simple. until that day, I'll do my best to find words that slide together in perfect harmony. some day I'll learn all the right words to say, and I'll create symphonies with the things I type.
until then, just know...
I'm so happy (:
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